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Latest Passings

Mr. Fabulous

LATEST PASSINGS:

-Ted Danson

-Keanu Reeves

IN REMEMBRANCE:

-Richard Simmons

1. Fresno County Sheriff’s Deputies have confirmed that actor Ted Danson died last night after being unable to act his way out of a paper bag. Danson, who rocketed to fame, on the 80’s sitcom ‘Cheers,’ reportedly became enraged by an item posted on the ‘In Touch’ magazine website that suggested his success on ‘Cheers’ was a **quote** ‘fluke,’ and that he was unlikely to resuscitate his career in a convincing manner. In response, Danson tried to demonstrate to gathered friends that he could fit himself into a large paper bag and **quote** ‘act his way out.’ Unfortunately, Danson suffocated before successfully extricating himself from the bag.

2. In related news, actor Keanu Reeves was also found dead over the weekend. Reeves, whose cartoonish antics in ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ and ‘Sweet November’ attracted both loyal fans and scathing criticism for his sometimes **quote** “wooden” performances was found dead in his home on Sunday night. An initial coroner’s report suggests that the 42-year-old actor simply faded away.

3. And finally, a look back at the long, colorful career of famed fitness activist and weight loss guru Richard Simmons who passed away earlier this month. Simmons, who had suffered heart troubles in recent years, died in his sleep during a nap in his Brentwood home.

Remembered for his blunt sarcasm and red tank-top shirts, the 57-year-old Simmons helped to launch the modern diet craze, including the multi-million selling ‘Move, Groove, and Lose’ home exercise tapes and DVDs. A veteran of the Vietnam War, Simmons privately funded several rehabilitation clinics for troubled soldiers and frequently visited veterans recovering from post-traumatic stress illnesses.

Simmons’ philanthropy also extended to the Addison Morgan Geriatric Center in Minneapolis, for which he reportedly built a $8 million spa and water therapy facility. Simmons’ mother was a resident at the center for more than a decade.

Much of Simmons’ televised work is now available online, and YouTube reports that clips of his early 80’s morning show, affectionately remembered for its signature “We all have our priorities” mantra, draws millions of hits each day.

Per Simmons request, friends and family scattered his ashes in a private ceremony in Manhattan on Saturday evening.###