< back | home | Cal-List Business Directory

Editor’s Note: In 2001 a horrible tragedy shocked the world. That’s right, “Sweet November” starring Keanu Reeves was released in theaters. Here’s my personal experience with it…

Herald Flashback 2001:

The Society Page

By Gene Mahoney

The San Francisco Herald started in July of ‘98, so which celebrity do you think has been mentioned the most within the pages of this reputable paper? Bill Clinton? Al Gore? George W. Bush? Perhaps. But this issue should be the one that puts Keanu Reeves over the top. I’ll bet Keanu would have been your fourth guess. It all started last summer in issue 13, when Howard Hallis wrote this conspiracy theory:

THE MATRIX IS REAL - Many people really think life is really a computer simulated 3D virtual environment. I can believe that to a point, as it would explain the success of the Olsen Twins, but does that mean Keanu Reeves REALLY is the chosen one? Well, he did play Buddah (in "Little Buddah"), and Bill and Ted were worshipped by the people of the future (in "Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey")... He was even the son of Satan ("Devil’s Advocate")! Perhaps Keanu’s movies are trying to tell us something... That he IS a being of great power and either the savior or the antichrist in the guise of a bad actor.

Then in January I wrote how I was supposed to review a show by Keanu’s band Dogstar at Slim’s but it was the only time I was left off the guest list for a show I was supposed to cover, so I couldn’t. Then I told y’all about how Warner Brothers contacted me in March 2000 and asked if they could use the SF Herald as a background prop in their upcoming Keanu Reeves movie "Sweet November", and that I obliged them. Well, a month after the movie’s been out, I finally went to see it in a nearly empty theater with Kimberlye "Almost Famous" Gold. The only reason why we didn’t fall asleep is because we kept waiting for a shot of Keanu reading this rag. There was one scene they shot at Farley’s in Potrero Hill where Keanu and his lovely co-star Charlize Theron were talking to the guy who plays Richard Fish on "Ally McBeal", but Keanu’s shoulder was blocking the stack of Heralds I keep there. I remember interrupting them filming a scene down the block at the Lilo Lounge as I dropped off some copies there, but apparently that scene was cut out of the movie, too. Hey, why should I gripe; imagine how those lovely made-up actresses who were in that scene feel. Oh well, no Academy Award nomination for Best Background Prop for old Geenie Weenie this year. Maybe some day. Anyway, not only did I not get to attend some exclusive Hollywood premiere for it, I didn’t even get paid for it, I wasn’t even in it, and I actually wasted $18 paying for Ms. Gold and myself to watch the godawful thing. Oh well, babe. That’s Hollywood. However, I’m going to get all sappy on you folks here (hopefully a lot better than "Sweet November" did.) This film sure as hell isn’t going to win best picture of the year like "Terms of Endearment" did back in ‘84, but like that superior flick, it deals with a young woman dying. I often wonder why I spend so much time and effort putting this rag out (besides the fact that I have to because no one would ever hire me for a real job) and suddenly realized that if I had one year to live, I’d still publish this thing. Most people would spend their final days trotting the globe. What good is traveling the world? Going to Europe after you graduated college (i.e. getting drunk and laid), that was fine; but travel is often a way of merely running away from yourself. Compare that to spending your final hours with a passion. Nope, I’ve had the privilege of meeting a lot of great people since I started the Herald (and they’ve had the even greater privilege of meeting me) and that’s way I feel about all this now. Of course I’d be a lot happier if I had fanatical groupies, but hey, you can’t have it all....

Thanks to all of you who made it out to A TRULY SF HERALD EVENT on March 27th. The rest of you can go to hell. Dinner at Borgo Ristorante Italiano (Fell & Laguna) was great, as usual. Sergio the owner was there (unfortunately, his wife wasn’t. I always love to see the two of them glare and yell at each other.) Borgo: Great food in a quaint, cozy, offbeat yet traditional setting. Lee Vilensky made the scene with his lovely girlfriend Maya. Columnist for sfherald.com James Dylan showed up alone, in better spirits than usual (though that’s not saying much). Kimberlye "Almost Famous" Gold showed up in a sexy, revealing go-go style outfit. Wendy Beth, one of the city’s preeminent ad copywriters made the scene, as did former Libertarian candidate for the state assembly/ erotic massage artist Starchild, and his date for the evening, a modern dancer named Armell. Starchild took off his coat, which revealed he wore nothing but a white wife-beater style Italian undershirt. He looked like Kid Rock. Then it was off to the Oxygen Bar (795 Valencia @ 19th) where we met up with San Francisco’s hottest new artist Laurie Jacobs, who was already indulging with a rubber tube up her nose, inhaling O2 (I know the 2 should be smaller, but I can’t do that on this computer.) Harris Rosenbloom (sans entourage) and his lovely date who was a lot younger than him made the scene, too. I think her name was Victoria.

Go on down and see Kim and Visa, the owners of the Oxygen Bar; their place really is a breath of fresh air! Heh heh heh! Get it? Francois over at Mr. Ralph’s Cafe told me he heard that oxygen was addictive, and it can also help cure a hangover. He says he knew this pilot who flew for the British Royal Air Force and the guy said that whenever they’d be hung over from a night of pub-hopping, they’d fly their jets the next day, because when you fly you have that oxygen mask strapped to you. So if any of you want a quick recovery from a fun Saturday night, I believe this new addition to the Mission district opens at noon on Sundays. By 10:30 it was getting kind of late for a school night so the crowd began to dwindle as we hit The Shabeen @ Buzz 9 (139 - 8th Street between Mission and Howard), though Stan, my biggest fan, Tangeman showed up with some friends. Check out Stan’s www.workerart.com site. Mr. Fabulous was there as well, which brings me to this next topic: Ladies! Tired of those lonely Tuesday nights? Then win a date with Mr. Fabulous!!! All you have to do is write about why you would want to have dinner with SF Herald columnist Mr. Fabulous (in 100 words or less) and the winner will get a free dinner with him at Borgo. Email your responses to him at: scap70@hotmail.com, or snail mail them to: Win a Date with Mr. Fabulous, c/o San Francisco Herald, 815 Geary, suite 115, SF, CA 94109. Entrees must be in by 4/30/01.

The biggest disappointment of the evening was the absence of SF Herald columnist Hellen Wheels, her little dog Tu, and her angry fiancé Mr. Clean, who I thought was going to show up and clean Mr. Fabulous’ clock for writing all those nasty things about the love of his life (see last issue.) Apparently they didn’t get back from the Nick Cave show at the Palace of Fine Arts in time. Getting back to the Mr. Fabulous date contest, the winner will be announced in June....

Dateline North Beach: Has anyone noticed that the Carl’s Jr on Broadway and Columbus has closed? I remember when it first opened, back in, uh, I think it was the fall of ‘85 (I had just moved to the Bay Area that summer.) Apparently the North Beach merchants were in an uproar over a chain store moving in. I remember KRON-TV 4’s 11p.m. news commentator Wayne Shannon smugly muse about how silly the protests were because, after all, their neighborhood is full of strip joints. Well, I’m going to piss off some militant feminists (and probably bewilder some vegans because a lot of them are militant feminists) and say that I’m glad that corporate slaughterhouse shithole is bolted up and that it was a lot more offensive than any girly peep show on the block. At least The Roaring ‘20’s and Big Al’s never tortured and killed mammals and gave people clogged arteries. As for the North Beach Merchants who want to stop chain stores from moving in: More power to you.... Also in North Beach, a relatively new-ish shop called Martini Lounge has opened, featuring "Club Wear for Guyz and Girlz". It’s a cute looking shop, too. Located at 528 Green. Call 981-2443Ken Shelf (and his wife, Amy) had a wrap party recently for the cast and crew of Ken’s upcoming independent film I was in called Humans Being. The editing isn’t done yet, but we watched some of the rushes. What’s that? Do I give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down? Well, as Sting modestly said of the 1985 movie The Bride he was in with Jennifer Beals: "dreadful -- I was the best thing in it." ONLY KIDDING!!!! Actually, I was surprised at how good it was. Granted, it’s not done yet, but the acting was good and the crew gave the film a very professional look. Who knows, this film could really be something else. Look for it next year. In the meantime read about it on sfherald.com.... Harold’s International Newsstand is open for business again, this time at 454 Geary.... A Mother’s Heart, a play set in Berkeley, written by award-winning author and playwright Joyce Carol Thomas opens April 6th at The Marsh (1062 Valencia.) Call 826-5750 for more info....

Baby Doe, artistic director of SF’s own The Devil-ettes emailed me about "the biggest burlesque and go go convention to date" also billed as "a sultry, sizzlin’ celebration of burlesque and dance!" It’s called Tease-O-Rama 2001; a 3 night extravaganza May 18, 19, and 20 in New Orleans. Visit www.teaseorama.com for more info.... Tac-e World is "a new form of media and entertainment store bringing to customers and readers the lighter side of world news". They’re at www.taceworld.com.... Marcea.com has a new Spring 2001 catalog filled with info on their "trend setting products" which "continue to reflect Marcea’s fashion forward thinking that combine both style and comfort". Check out www.marcea.com.