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In Defense of Keanu Reeves

By Mr. Fabulous

I’m personally acquainted with Keanu Reeves, having worked with him in "Speed"; I was the third SWAT team cop in the subway during the final chase scene. In all my time of working with Keanu I’ve always been extremely impressed with his fitness routine, his fashion sense, and his dedication to craft. I remember bumping into Keanu outside Panna Szazza in Hollywood, about two months after we’d shot "Speed."

I’d just stopped at Larry’s World of Protein Shakes, to pick up a Soy-Guava Muscle Builder. Keanu and I were both trying to park our cars in the same spot along Sunset Boulevard. He started to inch his Mercedes in front of my Hyundai. I leaned my head out the window.

"Hey Keanu—I’m parking here."

"Dude, I was here first."

"No you weren’t."

"Yes I was."

I took a sip of my protein shake and climbed out of my car.

"Look, you know I’ve always respected you, baby. I mean, damn, ‘Point Break’ is, like, one of my favorite movies. But lookit: I was already backing into that spot."

"No you weren’t, dude."

"Yes, I was. I had my reverse light on."

"But you didn’t have your signal on."

"Doesn’t matter."

I paused and took a sip of my protein shake. Keanu looked at the shake. He pointed to it.

"Dude, is that a Larry’s shake?"

"Yup."

"That’s good stuff."

"Yeah."

Keanu smiled.

"Anyone who’s into protein shakes is all right with me."

He gave me a funny look and repeated himself:

"Anyone who’s into protein shakes is all right with me."

Suddenly I felt light-headed. I tried to look at Keanu, but he was gesturing with his hand. He smiled at me.

"You’re about to drive away."

"I’m about to drive away," I repeated.

"This isn’t the parking spot you’re looking for."

I nodded.

"This isn’t the parking spot I’m looking for…"

"Keanu Reeves is a great actor."

"Keanu Reeves is a great actor…"

"Just go about your business."

"I’ll just go about my business…"

"Move along."

"Yes..."

I smiled, got in my car, and drove away. Anyway, it’s important for people to realize what a brilliant actor Keanu Reeves is, and what an important contribution he’s making to cinema.

Films like "Johnny Mnemonic" and "Sweet November" prove that he is the most important actor in Hollywood.###