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The VP and Me

By Mr. Fabulous

I was in Washington, DC for a few days of work on ‘Caddyshack 3’ when I got the chance to meet Vice President Al Gore.  He wasn’t one of my Facebook friends, but I decided to say hello at a book signing he was holding in the Mayflower Hotel.  I thought it might be good to catch the former VP before he started his next film project.  I wanted to see if I could get in on the ground floor, maybe get a speaking role.

It was a hot, humid summer day in DC.  As I walked down Connecticut Avenue to the Mayflower, sweat started dripping down my back. 

By the time I made it to the hotel, my dress shirt had become soaked with sweat.  But the giant air conditioning in the lobby quickly started to cool me off.

A line of people stood waiting to enter the ballroom where the Vice President was signing copies of his latest book, ‘The Future.’  I stepped through a metal detector and then followed a line of people waiting to buy a book.  The line moved slowly around the room toward a table where the Vice President was sitting.

I waited in line to buy a book as the room’s air conditioning slowly dried me off.  I turned to a woman standing next to me.  Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail.  I smiled at her.  “Thank goodness for air conditioning, huh?”

She glanced at me.  “What’s that?”

I wiped my forehead and gestured to the air conditioning.  “Wouldn’t it be great if we could just air-condition the whole planet?”

She looked at me vaguely and shifted her purse.  I nodded.  “I mean, it’s so scary how the earth is getting so hot.  Every summer, it feels like we’re gonna burn up.”

She nodded quickly.  “I know what you mean.  But we’re finally doing something about it.”  She pointed to all the people in the room.  “We’re making a difference.”

She was blonde, pretty, wearing a skirt.  I glanced down to check her ankles, then nodded.  “Yeah.  I mean, if every single person bought this book, just think how much better off the earth would be.”

“Exactly.”
 
She turned back to the line.  I looked at her legs again.  We moved slowly toward the VP’s table. 

After a few more minutes, we stepped up to the book sales table.  A woman said, “Hi, would you like to buy a copy of ‘The Future?’”

I smiled.  “Yes, please.”

“It’s $16.98.  We’re charging exactly what Amazon is charging.”

I handed her a credit card.  “That’s great.”

She swiped my card, then handed me a book.  “When you reach the Vice President, make sure to have your book open to the front so he can sign it.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I took the book and started to follow the line again.  The woman in front of me was holding her book and talking on a cell phone.  I could hear her say, “I’m so excited...”

After a few more minutes, we reached the head of the line.  The blonde woman finished her call and turned to me.  “This is so exciting.”

“I know.”

A Secret Service man said to her.  “Please open your book.  You’ll hand the book to the Vice President and he’ll sign it.  Please keep the line moving.”

The blonde woman nodded.  She waited for her turn, then walked up to the Vice President.  He reached up and took her book.  “Hi.  Thanks so much for being here today.”

“Thank you, Mr. Vice President.  I’m really grateful for all that you’re doing.”

“Well, thank you so much.  We really appreciate your support.”  He signed the book with a blue sharpie pen and handed it back to her.

“Thanks.”  She took the book and moved away.

The Secret Service man gestured to me.  “Okay.”

I opened my book and walked up to the Vice President.  There were circles under his eyes and he looked tired.  But he smiled.  “Hello.”

I handed him my book.  “Hey, Mr. Vice President.  It’s great to see you again.” 

The Vice President squinted at me as he took my book.   “Have we met?” 

“Well, I saw your movie.  I thought it was great.  Really exciting.”

“Thank you so much.”  He started to sign his name.

“You know, Mr. Vice President, you should make a sequel.”

He finished signing his name.  “Thank you so much.”

I nodded.  “But this time, you need to have more people.  I mean the title is perfect, right?  ‘The Future.’  Everyone can relate to that, right?  But in the future, there will be more people, so you have to compensate for that, right?”

He handed me the book.  “That’s absolutely right.  That’s exactly why we have so many challenges.  Thank you for being here.”

I took the book.  “Do you have a script yet?  Would it be more of an action movie?...”

“Uhh…”

A Secret Service woman tapped me on the shoulder.  “Please keep the line moving.”

“Oh sure.”  I shouldered the book and smiled at the Vice President.  “Thanks so much.  Keep in touch.”

I took my book and walked away.###